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Look man, I don't know what your situation is exactly, and chances are you and me live in very different worlds, but I can tell you that I myself went through nervous breakdowns and panic attacks and generally wild times about 5 years ago - Based on all this I can tell you that those darks thoughts you might have are thoughts you better get out of your head some way or another, cause its not work it man. Life is wonderful, the world is wonderful, no matter how times may seems sometimes. We all have different reasons to be believe in a good future, for some it's religion and for some like me it's very different reasons, but not matter where they come from - just hold on to them. And never feel bad about getting help if you need it. I know what it feels like when you desperately try to "keep the sanity going" - the trick for me simply was to hang in there. Today I am much more capable of dealing with the things that might have caused panic attacks years ago.

Edited by Turntable
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well i feel more relaxed right now after i watched lion king dvd and went to take a walk on the boardwalk and catching up with one of my friends that i work with at the beach, he's an older guy named frank that's sorta become like a father figure to me lately since my father got sick, we had such a great man to man chat for a whole hour about life in general, god works in mysterious ways, i notice how my mother always seems to have mother figures in her life in older women ever since my grandmother died 11 years ago, and my father had a lot of women in haiti raise him when his mother died when his mother died when he was a baby, you're right life ain't so bad but sometimes there's those dark periods that we go through that tests us, i'm trying to take life as it comes no matter what happens...

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i wrote a new song just now about how i'm not losing hope in my life, it's called "don't lose hope", i feel more encouraged:

Don't Lose Hope 2012
May 16

don't lose hope
gotta look beyond the smoke
there won't be time to be broke
there's ways for us to cope
don't lose hope
even when we don't believe
we can still have dreams
the power of god is in teddy
you'll want to get with me
there's not much to say really
except that we'll be able to cope
just don't lose hope

i see the potential when you can't
maybe i'm too much of a dreamer to understand
but my vision is towards the ultimate plan
finding myself brings on the right command
maturity so i could be your man
need be the one to provide
just can't be bored this time
i won't be ignored off this rhyme
you'll feel the hunger of my life
then you'll wanna be at my side
one day you'll be my wife
once we make it through these hard times
this is why i come hard on the mic
i know i don't feel like i'll live a long life
even when people see i do things right
that's why i'm making the most of my time
nothing is a given that's why i'm gonna remain spitting
i'm not worried over competition, when i already defeated them
like 50 Cent there's been "many men" that've wished for death
i choose to uplift and make this time well spent
even if i never have kids, the next generation i could still influence
like krs i'm the teacha, edutainment through speakers
competition ain't my equal, war mentality sequel
2003 was the graduation, 2013 is the meditation
the aftermath of 2012 that we're facing the possible last days
but i'm confidant that god's children will make it
no matter what i'm thankful for everyday i've lived
i don't walk around anymore in regrets
no moment was wasted, this is the legend in the making
a top influence in future lyricism
my moves are major through the ways of living

teddy's trying to remain at peace
until the day i'm resting eternally
every night before i go to sleep
i'm able to find some sort of peace
i feel blessed to have opportunities
that my parents could never dream
of when they were as young as me
we're blessed to have technology
through typing away on these keys
i'm displaying my lyrical poetry
and the love is being felt from overseas
i have fans in uk, australia, and germany
through my computer i spread love
instead of being an internet thug
we all have a choice to use our voice
i realise i'm never gonna be alone
since jesus christ is always in my home
i feel uplifted when i express
finding vision through religion
christ died so i could be living
and i stand on that ultimate message
so any trouble faced could be ressurected
there's miracles found in every direction
every time i see papa smile it's a miracle again
he's my life long best friend
through this dementia he'll be rehabilitated
i always tell him french "papa je t'aime"
this type of love won't end
i'm confidant he'll be home with me and mama again
i'm always reminded how i could've died in march 2007
but here i am in 2012 still living at 27
only time will tell how long i'll be alive
on earth but i'll always be eternally alive
the path has been paved for my soul to be saved
god helps write every song i create
just like papa taught me how to meditate
i stand up to keep up the pace
i made a promise to never drink or smoke
i'm already at a high without sniffing coke or smoking dope
like bbd just show me the way so i could always have hope

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"I know some of you out there as my friends might have a hard time believing some of this stuff that I typed but I swear with god as my witness that this is nothing but the truth coming from my heart, I've been reflecting with my mama about events that've happened within the last year between family, friends, people in general, the weather, current events, and we realise that these might be the las...t days, here's my story, god bless y'all for reading: me and my parents saw an image of a cross 11 times at my neighbor's house between June 2, 2011 and July 13, 2011, one time my mother was the only one of us three who saw an image Jesus with red streaks, most of the other times we saw a holy trinity of crosses. I'd write down everytime we saw these crosses in my bible. In between this time period there was a couple of significant events that happened in life, my uncle tommy was told that he could've had colon cancer around his birthday but then he was diagnosed cancer free, we were supposed to have this tropical storm in the jersey shore a month later in august 2011 that was supposed to be the worst in history but it turned out that we all survived it and me and my parents did not evacuate nothing happened to our house or anything around it in town.

After this time period we didn't see any more images of crosses until easter of 2012, by that time my father got sick and was put away in a rehabilation center with psychotic dementia, seizures, and we were told that he had lumps in his lung that might've been cancerous, so it's just me and my mother living together now, anyway the reason why i bring easter 2012 is the other neighbor by us had an ...image of a holy trinity on his yard and then a month later my father had tests and we were told that he don't have cancer in his body. The reason why I'm typing this message tonight is I came across this image of a cross once again when i was eating dinner with my mother at our neighbor's house that had the cross there 11 times before during last summer and by the way we also saw the image of a cross on may 10th which was the day that my father had the tests on his lumps at the neurologist. For the past year or so we've been hearing the ocean really strong here in Seaside Heights right from our house and our family lives towards the bay and not the ocean, we've been living here from 18 years and we never heard it that strong before as we did the last year. It also came to my mind as I'm typing this that we had an earthquake here on this east coast around august which was before we were supposed to have that tropical storm, and I came across this article tonight that i posted on my page here after me and my mother had deep conversation at the dinner table about a lot of events of the world and our family during the last year and we were asking each other if the world is going to come to an end of second coming of jesus christ so i decided to do a google search on "second coming of jesus christ" and i came across your article and was inspired by it and all the testimonies on there with the feedback so I had to tell my story too, god bless you all."

This is what I typed on the feedback section of this article I found on the second coming of Jesus, I'm definately a believer that something earth changing is about to happen soon, I pray that this will be all for the better for us positive people that follow god:


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  • 2 months later...

My grandmother had a heart attack last night. They said the first eight hours were the most critical and she's passed through that time frame. It's very difficult seeing someone who had a huge part in raising you struggle like that. I'd appreciate anyone who would be willing to say a prayer on the matter. I'd love to see a full recovery. She's 87 and has some health challenges but I'd like to her come out and enjoy more time in a normal, relaxed state. I would hate to have her last hours/days be struggling from something like that. It has certainly put a perspective on how I've been living my crazy busy life and not having time to put into the most IMPORTANT things.

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May Your Grandmother Rest In Peace AJ

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  • 3 months later...

It seems like death is all around. I had to put my dog to sleep unexpectedly on Friday. She was perfectly fine two days before but there were a lot of health issues that were unearthed just over 24 hours later. I was fortunate to spend a good bit of the evening with her but the sting is bad. Invested my heart into her more than anything else in this world. I'm truly in shock, numb, and lost after this. It's amazing how how pets can impact your life.

Last night one of my friends from high school passed away. She was my age; married with three kids. She was fighting a health issue that doctors couldn't diagnose. Now her family is grieving her loss. Different paths in life kept us from seeing each other the past 10 years but this, too, stings.

There actually quite a lot going on for me right now but I don't want to highjack this thread and make it all about me. I just ask that other prayer souljas lift up my family as we deal with the loss of my dog, Holly, and for the family and friends of Tanya.

Thanks in advance.

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  • 2 months later...

Here I am again. My family got a new dog back in December. She's 4 years and was previously abused. For three months she's had a good, loving, comfortable life. Last week all of that changed. She had lyme disease, which we didn't know, and while it can sometimes be treated, it got to her kidneys before we knew. In many cases, that is a "death sentence." She's acting very old now and she has no appetite. Her kidneys were only operating at 10% the other day. The future is uncertain, but many signs say she isn't getting better and that we will have to put her to sleep soon. This is obvious heartbreaking, especially to my mom, who has health battles and spends much of every day with her. I'm praying for healing and for a future free from the discomfort this disease could cause. If that's not an option, then we need to know when is the right time to help her get to the next life.

This is coming at a very difficult and stressful time for me and it just feels like everything is crashing down (again). Prayers are requested all around.

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