Sorry i didn't reply to this sooner man!!  I completely missed it!! 
 
I like it but here are a few pointers: 
 
1. I think your flow needs a bit of work.  You got the lyrics, you got your own style but the way you deliver them could be a bit better.  But the more you rap, the more this will get better.  Its not even something you consciously think about.  It just happens!! 
 
2. Use original instrumentals.  I know its easy and less hassle to use other peoples music, but it adds that touch of originality if you use your own.  I know this is the way a lot of rappers start out but it's not something you should get into the habit of doing 
 
3. Clarity. Some parts i didn't quite get.  If your gonna record a song, make it the best song you've ever done.  You don't to keep re-recording songs because some people didn't get it or understand it!  Believe me i've been there and its [b]VERY[/b] tedious!! 
 
 
Other than that it was real good!  Keep doing your thing man!!  :music:  :thumb:  :music: