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Peep this rhyme I wrote


bigted

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What's up y'all, check out a piece of a song that I recently wrote:
"Uh,Uh,hip-hop lost its head
Too much pop ****
That's what we gotta stop again
Few wanna stop it
Many performers are knocked with the gimmick
Taken over from them industry heads
Who just wanna bust elementary lyrics
With more imagery pics
Taken the place along wit filthy graphics
What kind of great generation are we livin' in?
When controversy outsells talent
Y'all check the Billboards
And where is the ill tour
That happened before m.c.'s decided to kill more
On record, no one's clever
New generation of hip-hop is one dead blur
And it's for sure
That it's on the pop scene
But it's not the dream
The pioneers like Scott La Roc, Eaz-e, 2Pac, and Biggie would have like to see
If they were still breathin'
There are no ill LP's
Five mics are all killed or deceased
Not like when Jeff and Will were on the scene
Now they're a bunch of lies fill C.D's
That real cats won't buy
Until you go to the camera guy
With ya ass showin' for one million
C.d's people'll buy
Just to look at the picture on the cover
But when they pop the disc
In their stereos they'll wonder
Was payin' this money worth it
But they say hey that tight butt seems to be worth it
Music is just hideously worthless
Where is the reality of the sense"
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Agree totally. Poeple say their the only thing 2 buy into, but yet they won't just listen 2 their old school (if they in fact have any) Some people vibe different adn don't give anything/one a chance.

Ya verse was very strong toward hip hops state. They claim it fun, but that'z all club. I could go on and on but letz let OUR music do da talkin.

Keep that thought when U do ya verses. Peace!
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A lot of m.c's right now are too afraid to come up with somethin' different and just want to immitate what everyone else is doing just to go platinum but that's not the way I approach it! I appreciate the props that y'all are giving me, thanks! :peace:
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  • 2 months later...
What's up y'all I posted this verse a while ago but now I'm gonna post the full length song with that verse, the name of the song is "Dark Ages"(Of Hip-Hop) 'cause that's what it seems like right now when the game's at a stand still.
[u]Verse One:[/u]
Uh,Uh,hip-hop lost its head
Too much pop ****
That's what we gotta stop again
Few wanna stop it
Many performers are knocked with the gimmick
Taken over from them industry heads
Who just wanna bust elementary lyrics
With more imagery pics
Taken the place along wit filthy graphics
What kind of great generation are we livin' in?
When controversy outsells talent
Y'all check the Billboards
And where is the ill tour
That happened before m.c.'s decided to kill more
On record, no one's clever
New generation of hip-hop is one dead blur
And it's for sure
That it's on the pop scene
But it's not the dream
The pioneers like Scott La Roc, Eaz-e, 2Pac, and Biggie would have like to see
If they were still breathin'
There are no ill LP's
Five mics are all killed or deceased
Not like when Jeff and Will were on the scene
Now they're a bunch of lies fill C.D's
That real cats won't buy
Until you go to the camera guy
With ya ass showin' for one million
C.d's people'll buy
Just to look at the picture on the cover
But when they pop the disc
In their stereos they'll wonder
Was payin' this money worth it
But they say hey that tight butt seems to be worth it
Music is just hideously worthless
Where is the reality of the sense
When...
Chorus:
We're in the dark age
Sure there's a spotlight
But we're still in a dark age
Where no performer can rock the mic
Until the skills are displayed
Nobody will pay attention what you got to rhyme
'Cause in this dark age
We get blinded by the spotlight
Talentless and by far a shame
For me I gotta fight
'Cause I'm not tryin' to be a member of the dark age

Verse Two:
I can't believe how many peopele have been affected by this wreckless emotion
But I got a restless devotion
When I rep to mention a token
Of grattitude that I have for the ol' school
Sure u might say they've slipped up
In your eyes they're not livin' up
When comparin' them to this generation
Sure they're not all flashy, but there wasn't a limitation
For comin' up and creatin'
These moves blueprinted for the new school
But then we go abuse
And use them in the wrong use
For our own selfish means
Not for a benefit of the team
They talk about dynasty
But it's just foul hype to see
For them to collect what you've been workin' for
And actually the fans are workin' more
To get stuck on the short end
To go forfeit
It's just unfortunate
These pros aren't idols to worship
When they have no morals in them
Losin' respect for themselves
By selling-out is like prostitution when you're selling yourself
To what everyone says and does
Who says it's just
Dope for you to get ****ed
The wrong way in front
Of the whole country
Just for some more money?
Where is your mind
The government is also full of it
Because all scandelistic
Views come from there
So they better not just dare
Say that it's only entertainers
That are out without a care
None of that's true
There's a limitation for what you can or can't do
And sure we all go there sometimes
Watchin' where you're at before you lose your mind
Will show your character
And I don't go to bother rappers
That are tryin' hard to come with their own style
I'm just bustin' at y'all that act so highly profiled
That they forget that they represent
The success that Grand Master Flash, LL, and Russell Simmons
Started for you to get that ice on your neck
'Cause without them
You wouldn't have bling-bling
And if Run-Dmc wasn't hittin' “Down Wit The King”
Or “Sucka M.C.'s”
There wouldn't be platinum C.D's
So it's better to remember where you are before you proceed
'Cause being a performer, the downfall comes with the territory
And you'll get yours if you're just schemin' for fame off of controversy
That's not what keepin' it real should mean
[Repeat Chorus 'Til End] Edited by bigted
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Guest Prince
<rant>Three days since bigted posted this up... I couldn't reply since I wasn't here, but it seems seriously messed up that people reply to some posts but not to others... Favouritism shouldn't exist anywhere... Treat everyone with the same respect you would like other people to give you. I don't know about y'all, but I don't get a massive urge to reply to other people who ask my opinion when they don't give me theirs in my threads (and certainly won't take the full time to read it through properly). We're beginning to get a core number of posters using this board constantly which is great, because there's always new material being posted... Respect to the cats that both post new material and reply... You know who you are... Oh, and in the "Last Click" option we can all see who is been viewing what posts, so I know exactly who you are...</rant>

Sorry about the lack of replies to this man... Again, the length is interesting in this. I'm not quite sure how you would manage to pull off a long chorus? Oh, and some of the lines that jut way out from the rest of the verse, try to shorten them because it would mess up your flow when you're rhyming to a beat. There are some lines in there that could do with changing, or needn't be there, and by skim reading through I'm sure you too will see some changes that could be made. Also, try not to use swear words to rhyme with, also in two lines you say "worth it" twice, it doesn't rhyme man. There are a few other things like that, where you could re-read and possibly change it up a little bit. Like I've said in another of your threads, I think the lengths are totally insane, and respect for trying things new like that. Because then you aren't copying other cats in the game, you're paving the way for your own unique style... And that in itself is something special. Interesting points brought forward, I would like to read more rhymes like this from you. Edited by Prince
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Hey thanks Prince for the feedback, I appreciate your advice and I'll take it under consideration when I write a song, of course when I record it I might shorten it down a lil' bit, but I'll see what I'll do. Hey that was a typo error wit workin' it, I originally wrote: "Was payin' this money worth it?/But they say hey that tight butt seems to be workin' it". Yeah I notice since I started posting more of my songs, y'all other cats are starting to post like crazy too, I guess I must inspire y'all then! :werd:
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Guest Prince
Haha... Could be... I just think it's great how this forum is becoming more active... Although it would be nice to see more people giving their views to everyone, instead of all flocking to the threads with the most replies. You know what I mean right?
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[quote=Prince,Aug 12 2004, 03:10 PM]Also, try not to use swear words to rhyme with...[/quote]
Hey I only cursed 2 times in that long song, most rappers curse 20-30 times in one verse and it ruins the flow. On Nas' album God's Son he has a song on there called "Last Real N Alive" which would have been a great single to release but he cursed too much in the 1st verse and said lines like "I borrowed from both them n----'s/ Jigga started to flow like us but hit wit "ain't no n---" where he rhymed wit the same word twice and it sounded like he forced some of them curses on that song that didn't need to be done, I only curse when I make a specific point 'cause I make all my songs like this one point I made about how rappers have been acting like prostitutes:
"Who says it's just
Dope for you to get ****ed
The wrong way in front
Of the whole country
Just for some more money?"
All my songs I write could be singles 'cause I try not to curse too much in my rhymes, I don't make no edited version. Hey I feel the point u made about posters replying to certain topics more than others, this shouldn't be a popularity contest. I've wrote more than 200 songs but I'm not gonna post them all here 'cause this is a JJFP fan website and when I record songs I'm gonna get them published and put them on my own website. Edited by bigted
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Guest Prince
Yeah I understand that, but sometimes using a swear to rhyme with just doesn't always fit. My opinion though, and similarly I keep swearing to an absolute minimum in rhymes I write... If I can I choose to use another word, but often it seems the best way to express yourself is putting a few cussing in.
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  • Members
Hi, Im not really good at this but now I have to respond or Prince will kick my ass, so here I go (and I'm ust going to talk about the things I think you could aprove on :P):

Lyricly, maybe you could try to make some longer sentences and try to get the sentences to be about the same length aswell. for example:

[quote]
Sure they're not all flashy, but there wasn't a limitation
For comin' up and creatin'[/quote]You cant really flow this.


And sometimes you could just put some more ryme words in also, for example:

[quote]
Just for some more money?
Where is your mind
The government is also full of it
Because all scandelistic
Views come from there[/quote]
These are 5 bars whitout 1 rhyme word!


Well thats mainly it. :speechless:

Keep it up :thumb: Edited by Daedalus Mortality
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