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Peep this rhyme I wrote


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[quote=Daedalus Mortality,Aug 13 2004, 10:01 AM][quote]
Just for some more money?
Where is your mind
The government is also full of it
Because all scandelistic
Views come from there[/quote]
These are 5 bars whitout 1 rhyme word!

The line before "Just for some money" I put "In front of the whole country" and the next line I put didn't rhyme but that's ok 'cause not every line in a song has to rhyme and after that you know how government, full of it, and scandelistic all rhyme, so those lines do make sense and it wasn't 5 bars without one rhyme, only 1! :werd:
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hey ted i like how you cut off your rhymes like that..thats the same way i write..

i love this bit

What kind of great generation are we livin' in?
When controversy outsells talent
Y'all check the Billboards
And where is the ill tour
That happened before m.c.'s decided to kill more
On record, no one's clever
New generation of hip-hop is one dead blur
And it's for sure

each line could end on its own..but you pick it up and keep going..keep it up ted :thumb:
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[quote=Prince,Aug 12 2004, 09:10 PM]<rant>Three days since bigted posted this up... I couldn't reply since I wasn't here, but it seems seriously messed up that people reply to some posts but not to others... Favouritism shouldn't exist anywhere... Treat everyone with the same respect you would like other people to give you. I don't know about y'all, but I don't get a massive urge to reply to other people who ask my opinion when they don't give me theirs in my threads (and certainly won't take the full time to read it through properly). We're beginning to get a core number of posters using this board constantly which is great, because there's always new material being posted... Respect to the cats that both post new material and reply... You know who you are... Oh, and in the "Last Click" option we can all see who is been viewing what posts, so I know exactly who you are...</rant>

Sorry about the lack of replies to this man... Again, the length is interesting in this. I'm not quite sure how you would manage to pull off a long chorus? Oh, and some of the lines that jut way out from the rest of the verse, try to shorten them because it would mess up your flow when you're rhyming to a beat. There are some lines in there that could do with changing, or needn't be there, and by skim reading through I'm sure you too will see some changes that could be made. Also, try not to use swear words to rhyme with, also in two lines you say "worth it" twice, it doesn't rhyme man. There are a few other things like that, where you could re-read and possibly change it up a little bit. Like I've said in another of your threads, I think the lengths are totally insane, and respect for trying things new like that. Because then you aren't copying other cats in the game, you're paving the way for your own unique style... And that in itself is something special. Interesting points brought forward, I would like to read more rhymes like this from you.[/quote]
sorry dudes, i have been posting here but for the past few days i have only had time to post on a few parts and to be honest i didnt read any1s rhymes they have written the past fews days, but im catching up on my posts today. So...........

I really like it, i think u sum up how most of us on this site feel about recent hip hop. If only something like that was released and make ppl wake up. I think it flows fine, its just sometimes hard to tell when its written down, it needs to be heard really b4 we can judge that.

you've made me feel all guilty now prince. :tear:
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[quote=Daedalus Mortality,Aug 14 2004, 02:09 PM]And Hey Bigted, I din't try to act like I was better then you! I'm just trying to give some critisism you can use, else there woudlnt be sence in responding.[/quote]
:werd: Hey man it's all good! I like that u don't sugarcoat anything and that ur straight up about how u feel about it, I can take the criticism! :thumb:
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