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About PeaceAngel

  • Birthday 06/27/1990

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  1. My story... My life is really messed up due to school and some other things. My first and second quarter grades were ok, but my grades really plummeted during 3rd quarter. I went from a 3.5 average to a 2.7. My parents weren't too happy with that. The reason my grades are low is cuz I got so much homework and essays and projects all at the end of the quarter and I couldn't do it all, and go to work (even only working weekends) and get enough sleep at night too. It drove me insase. I did my best to get as much as I could and basically my mom told me I wasn't good enough for her and she doesn't think I tried hard enough. I constantly fight with my mom now. I got my phone taken away and I have to buy my own in the summer. The only really good thing I have in my life right now is my boyfriend. He's the only one I can talk to without being told "You are so over dramatic. You are putting all this stress on yourself. You complain too much. Grades are not that big of a deal." That what my own best friends were telling me. But now they're not my best friends anymore because I'm too "emo" for them. I thought I could tell them things and have them try to help me out, but apparently I was wrong. I'm working my ass off to get my grades up cuz I wanna graduate with good grades and work after high school and go to college and make something of my life. I don't want to be the way my former best friends are now. They never do they're homework and they get crappy grades and they're gonna be bums when they graduate, that is, if they don't drop out first. I'm just getting stress and pressure thrown at me from everybody and everywhere. Everyone expects more of me than I can give and people tell me, to my face, that I'm just not good enough for them. All I'm trying to do is put the pieces of my life back together and be happy. I feel like I'm just going in circles, I'll fight with my mom and then we'll negotiate something, and then if something else goes wrong or if one of my grades drops slightly for some reason, it's another fight, more brutal every time. I'm getting really sick of trying to impress everyone around me, especially in school. I regret signing up for some of the classes I have right now cuz I really hate them, but now I have no other choice but to get perfect grades for them or else my life will just get worse than it already is. I'm sick of working my ass off to try and make everyone happy when I feel like it's not worth it in the end for me. I always tell myself things will get better, but this whole cycle of fights and stress and depression and anxiety keep coming back around. I don't know if it's worth it to even try anymore, I'm so lost. All I want to do is be done with high school and move out and move on with my life. So much drama and chaos... I can't deal with it anymore. I'm sick of it all. So that would explain my absence... I've just been trying to put my life back together and make something out of it... that's all I have to say.
  2. Techno is great stuff, I like it too! One of my friends recently got me into a group called Shiny Toy Guns. They're like a techno-rock group and they're really good. You should check out their stuff.
  3. Yeah I've been trying to do that. Usually I'll have about half a day over the weekend to go do something with my friends for a few hours, but that's about all I can get. I usually work on the weekends since my weekdays consist of homework, but I'm definitely trying to fit more spare time into my schedule. I do get to sleep in for usually one of the weekend days, but I usually don't wake up til around 12 and then half the day is over, you know. It sucks, but being able to rest does feel nice after a week of hard work. I just wish there were more hours in the day to work with, then again I'm sure we all do.
  4. Just to explain my situation to everyone... I'm not taking the pills just for the hell of it. I'm trying to help myself. It may not be the best way, but it's working out for me because I don't have time to "sleep right." And what is "sleeping right" anyway? Whether I get 6 or 12 hours of sleep, I feel just as tired throughout the day. I was falling asleep in classes at school, I couldn't concentrate on homework, tests, etc., I would easily get stressed out at work, and I was always exhausted and in a bad mood. My grades dropped significantly, and sometimes I would even miss days of school just because I would feel so exhausted to the point where I would get massive headaches, stomachaches, and feel nauseas and dizzy. Not to mention, my parents yelled at me about all of this so much and I couldn't handle all the stress, it drove me insane. Excedrin has aspirin and caffeine in it, so it helps with the headaches and gives me the energy I need during the day. I can concentrate better on my work, my grades are improving, and overall I'm usually in a better mood although I still have my bad days. I know you are all thinking I should get better sleep, but I just have so much homework to deal with, and sometimes I still can't get it all done but I try my best. Working also takes up a chunk of my schedule and you are all probably thinking I should work less. I'm not working as much as I used to but I still need enough shifts to make money. I really don't want to give up my job because I love my job. I have tons of friends there and it's one of the few places where I can truly feel happy, and keep my mind away from stress at least for a while. I also love the fact that I am appreciated for what I do, as opposed to being yelled at for my mistakes. My home and school life aren't all that great right now, and that's why I like to go to work to get away from that. I'm only working a few shifts a week since I get so busy with other stuff, and it does get really stressful, but I'm trying to keep myself together and sort everything out. It's extremely difficult to satisfy everyone around me, my parents, my teachers, my friends, even myself. I can't even type up a paragraph to explain what I go through on a regular basis. I cry myself to sleep constantly, I've probably cried more in the past few months that in the past year. I really rely on my close friends and my boyfriend to keep me from breaking down and wanting to kill myself, and that's why my social life is so important to me, and often that gets in the way of my priorities. I'm really trying to do better in school and put that in front of everything else, and I just hope that all the effort I'm putting in will pay off in the end. I honestly don't know if I have what it takes to fix everything that's going wrong, but I'm gonna go as far as I can possibly go and just hope that everything will be ok in the end. As for my opinions on drugs/drinking/smoking, I don't think any of those things should be abused. Like I said before, I'm not taking pills just for the hell of it. Some people do, and they use the illegal drugs to do it. That's not what I want to do, I don't need to deal with that in my life. Same with smoking. There's a lot of people in my family who smoke, some are doing just fine and some have had health problems, but it affects everyone differently. I don't need to deal with that in my life either. And also, it's just disgusting. Who would want to inhale a bazillion poisons into their body?? Yummy? I don't think so. As for drinking, I agree with Julie. I think drinking is ok, but to a certain extent. Our livers can clean up bad materials pretty well, so as long as you don't drink too much and you know your limits, it'll be ok. However, I really hate people who get drunk all the time and can't get themselves under control of their drinking habits. That's how my cousin got raped by her own father, which makes me sick to my stomach and drives me insane whenever I think about it. I think everyone should be aware of what we do with our bodies, and know our risks and limits and keep ourselves under control. If everyone was able to do that, the world would be a much better place. But unfortunately not everyone can do that, and that's what we have to deal with in our everyday lives when we hear depressing stories on the news. It's just the way it is.
  5. Wow, I didn't think you guys would make a topic out of this... I mean, I can't stay awake through a school day without taking a dose of Excedrin every morning, and sometimes a second dose later in the day.... are you gonna make a thread saying I'm a drug addict??
  6. Haha that's awesome! You can just hear the "AHHH!" in your head as he's being thrown out of the house! :lolsign:
  7. 2006 was the most dramatic year of my life... - Made it through the first semester of my first year in high school (ended in January) - Met a new guy in my physics class, and worked on a project with him - Ended up going out with this guy near the end of May - my first true, real relationship - Got good grades in my sophomore year of high school - Turned 16 during the summer and had a great birthday party - Passed my driving test with 98% and got my driver's license - Got a job near the end of July at a movie theater - still working there and I love it! - Got a car shortly after getting the job - Made many new friends at work - Got a myspace account to keep in touch with friends - Had a good relationship with my boyfriend, but then broke up with him in August - Met another guy from work whom I got close with very quickly - Started going out with him in the beginning of September - Started my junior year of high school - Got a phone call from my ex, and became friends again - Found out that our reason for breaking up was a total misunderstanding due to a lack of communication, although there's no way we can ever get what we had back... we're just good friends now - Joined stage crew at school and participated in the musical West Side Story in November... staying after school every day for 2 weeks, it was hard work but it was definitely worth it in the end - Started having trouble juggling school, homework, working, and getting enough sleep - Failed a few classes due to the above ^^ - Didn't like home and school life as much, and thought about dropping out and going to night school, cuz I didn't want to give up my job - Discovered a lot about myself while I was deciding what was more important to me, and realized my social life is what I value the most - Made efforts to raise my grades in school... helped a little bit but still failing one class that I am really struggling with - Got closer to my friends as we helped each other through life - Had a great Christmas break, visiting friends and family, and working, and not dealing with school... So yeah, definitely full of ups and downs... the best and worst year of my life, that's how I would put it. That would explain why I'm not on the forum as much anymore... just way too much to deal with right now and so little time... but things are slowly starting to get better.
  8. Alright I talked to him and he took it a lot better than I thought he would! So I guess it wasn't as big of a deal as I made it seem, lol. Thanks for the advice though guys!
  9. Well I could use a bit of advice... So I'm dating a guy from my work and we've been dating for about 2 months. Things are going really well between us and I don't see us breaking up anytime soon. Everything's going great and I'm really happy to be with him. However, there's another guy at my work who likes me. A LOT. And it sucks. He knows I have a boyfriend and he knows I don't particularily have feelings for him. We're friends tho, so that's why this is hard. I don't want to just say go away and leave me alone. I just want him to realize that I'm taken and happy, and to move on to someone else... I've only recently discovered that he likes me and now he's doing things that are bugging me. He's not physically harrassing me or anything, so don't freak out. It's just that lately he's been leaving me messages on myspace, asking me weird questions that I really don't want to answer, like "Let's say you weren't going out with <insert name here> and I asked you out, and he asked you out that same day, who would you choose?" And things like that. I'm starting to get the feeling that he's plotting to get me and <insert name here> to break up or something. What should I tell him? What should I do? He's a cool guy and all and I still want to be friends, but this is starting to go over the line. I don't know what to do about it... can anyone please give me some good advice?? I'd really appreciate it... **EDIT** I forgot to mention that I haven't told my boyfriend about this, should I talk to him about it as well? Or would that not be such a good idea?
  10. My new avatar is actually my right eye in that pic, after messing with colors in photoshop :lolsign: It'd be so cool to have purple eyes!!
  11. *cough* Spencer *cough* :lolsign: Oh shut up... :lolsign: Oh well, it's not like I missed any of you guys either!! J/k...
  12. Oh I won't, don't worry Julie, lol. By the way, I work at a movie theater and there's a poster for Pursuit of Happyness in one of the hallways. I was excited when I saw it! It's Will holding hands with Jaden, it's adorable. I also saw the trailer for it, and it looks like it's gonna be a success! I'm really excited to see it!
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