mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 (edited) This is verse wrote 4 my nephews & nieces. But U can read as a song 2 all youth. It'z just the 1st verse, and I wasn't sure if it would sound right; but so far I think it does. [i]Aug. 18, 2004 (3:48 - 4:27 p.m.)[/i] I never had younger siblings I could pass the knowledge onto But I know there's a youth that needs truth bout what they gonna do I need it too, and it'z kinda hard 2 manage me But I can learn from my mistakes and show right by my young family of few nephews and plenty of nieces Enlighten them of the world'z puzzles, put 2gether the pieces Believe it'z natural 4 U 2 be strugglin' Have a greater heart if U restart, and willin' 2 try again It'z information spoken wit theory Tired of all things wrong wit the world, it'z makin' us weary Nearly everyone has gone thru the pain, not feelin the same It'z like a wild animal runnin' loose, never be tamed U get demand 2 have a plan, without thinking of preparation Questioned when U become the future of our nation Take action when U keep ya goals on sight Then basically, boys and girls, U'll be aight ___________ I am gonna try 2 make some of my own beats, but I was gonna use Nas "If I Ruled The World" 4 this. This song won't cuss at all. And I want it 2 be advanced in a way, but not so advanced, that they can't understand it. Edited August 18, 2004 by mfuqua23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-o-e Posted August 18, 2004 Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 I liked it, its a very good flow when i read it to myself trying to get the correct flow, and the point is very clear in this verse, i cant wait to hear this when you put it to a beat... J-o-e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Thanks Joe, glad u gave feedback 2 my flow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildWildWillennium Posted August 18, 2004 Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Once again, love the flow. Nice length in the lines and a good message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Thanks W3. I've been told flow is one of my strong points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Daedalus Mortality Posted August 18, 2004 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 (edited) I would try to ryme more sentences to eachother then just 2 all of the time, the rest is good Edited August 18, 2004 by Daedalus Mortality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 [quote=Daedalus Mortality,Aug 18 2004, 05:31 PM]I would try to ryme more sentences to eachother then just 2 all of th time, the rest is good[/quote] Huh? That doesn't make any sense wit what u said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Daedalus Mortality Posted August 18, 2004 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 How doesn;t it make sence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Cuz I don't understand your sentence structure. This is how I read it "I would try to rhyme more sentences to each other then just to all of the time." Doesn't make sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Daedalus Mortality Posted August 18, 2004 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 sorry sorry I ment I would try to rhyme more sentences to each other instead of just 2 at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Prince Posted August 18, 2004 Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 I really like your flow in this man! Got some good points for thinking over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Thanks Prince. And DM, oh ok. I gotcha now. I did that on "Be On Time". My flow and lyrics just vary sometimes. It'z not really a big deal 2 me, as long as I write what I feel, and am able 2 deliver the lyrics right when I rap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted August 19, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 (edited) Here is the 2nd verse. Feel barely uplifted, so explainations get descriptive Have a sense 2 know the answer, but it'z not perfectly predicted Your eyez see the world with simplicity Life's real, so U get told about earth's explicit themes Got bigger dreams than any fantasy land Your population united as one, instead of divided by clans U can play among each other cordially but there's things U gotta watch 4, unfortuneately Tricky advantage takers, heartless spirit breakers and parents who R always senseless debaters Later, emotions become colder than temperatures As U get older, U'll think about the way we were Girls become ladies in search of respect Boys become men getting breath'd down their neck Both will wait 4 their hard earned checks Worser than taxes, U gotta update on tech- -nology, cause their stopping the old-fashioned way of things Feel trapped on this ground, like a bird with no wings Listen close, as I say what they gotta know Y'all my Young Family, and I'm ya bigger bro _________ Questions or comments? Let me know. Peace! Edited August 19, 2004 by mfuqua23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigted Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 I think that the song is more similiar to Nas' "I Can", very strong points, the youth needs more positive messages out there! Keep it up! :rock: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Prince Posted August 19, 2004 Report Share Posted August 19, 2004 The flow seems to be knocked out slightly on the "explicit themes" part. Apart from that, its great man! This is really something I could listen to, and would love to hear you do it on track! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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