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Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince Forum

I Need You


Guest Da Triptic

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Guest VAsFinestRenagade

Hey girl i have noticed you for a while

And i really like your style

i really like you alot

i would even take a shot

we can listen to B.I.G or Pac

Vandross or Marvin Gaye

All day

we can conversate

but can i get jus one date

nothin to big to complicate

i'll make your temprature 102

cause it should be illegal to have so many feelings for you

cause jus like LL in the back of my mind i hear my conscience call

i jus want to show you some love thats all

and i will catch you if you ever fall

(Chorus)x2

I need you (Oh Girl!)

I need you (Oh Girl!)

I cant get you off my mind tonight

(Verse 2)

some people say live by the gun but die by the bullet

but i will deflect it if they ever try to pull it

i will be your bodygaurd

i will stick up for you i can be hard

I see almost every day of the week

and when i see your beuty i cant speak

that is all i have of it help if you want to

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First off theres no need to bump topics! This isn't the B2K board! :wtf:

Secondly I think the songs structure seems too simple. the lines are too short and the rhyme scheme is very simple. try using longer sentances to make it flow better.

Of course this is hard do critique as I haven't heard the audio. Is one available

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First off theres no need to bump topics! This isn't the B2K board! :wtf:

:lolsign:

Yeah I agree with Brakes, I got the concept but it was a little hard to follow, and it wasnt structured right.

I'd have to hear it to judge it.

Edited by Big Willie
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Hmm yeah improve how its structured, and the rhyme scheme. Expand upon vocab a bit more, and try playing on words.

Although, its one thing to write a song, its another to perform it. It would be easier for us to get a grasp of this if you posted an audio. Also we'd be able to get a better idea of your style etc.

Aight man, peace.

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i read it as if it was a cute poem. I don't know how old he is, but u guys been around 4 a minute, and pretty much got yall's skillZ 2getha... i think he'll get there soon...

this reminds me of when we all used to flow back and forth on that forum AJ and Wes made. I used to start gettin mad as i dont know what against the A.... I have no kind of flow like u guys do, but was tearin into that joka... i think it went from having fun, to me bustin him in the head , talkin bout peekin from under my bed... LMAO...

was alot of fun tho... but, he'll get where yalll at .... :2thumbs:

peace,

cookie

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It was simple yet sweet! Sometimes there is no point in making subjects complex just for the sake of it. But at the same time when you are making a rap song you are supposed to brandish your talent to the fullest so my suggestion is write a little more and work a little on your rhyme scheme.

Nice effort, welll done!

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