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Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince Forum

Can I get your opinion on my song?


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This is good! I truly like this and would love to have the track when it's finished.

Positive things:
You have a good voice for rhyming. The lyrics are great and motivational...plus their free from cussing but don't come off as "I'm going out of my way not to cuss." Also, the beat is nice to. Just really good stuff all around.

Before I get to suggestions, let me just say that I haven't rapped in front of a crowd in YEARS. I haven't written a new song in YEARS. So I don't mean to come off to critical...only helpful. If I do say so, I think I'm pretty good and observing and critiquing. When I'm acting, I invite all kinds of feedback. When I watch recordings of myself performing, I tear my hair out because I could have upgraded my performance if I got to see my own performance and everything I'd like to tweek.

Suggestions: You know the song and you got the right voice. I just feel like you need to vocally attack it. There certain lyrics and even the chorus where I could hear the lines being spit like FP on "Born To Reign." At points it felt like you weren't sync with the beat 100%. At those points, if you attacking it more, I feel that you would have been right with the beat. It may be pre-recorded, but I'd like to see you own it in a way that it feels like the beat is simply backing you up.

The second suggestion is to find "yourself" on stage. I felt like the intro and the parts where you were just waiting to come in sucked the life out of the performance. I feel that the audience is gonna come down from the high of the song and think "okay, what's happening next." I'm not saying copy a certain performer. Eye contact, crowd interaction, and energy just need to be introduced. Since the song is relatively serious, it's cool even if you focus your eyes about 10 inch in front of your face and just rap that song like you are doing it for yourself and for yourself only. Other short points, serious songs can be very motivating and taken as a celebration. I think it would be okay to treat the song less serious and see how it reaches the crown. I'm not sayin be goofy, but think back serious Hip-Hop songs like Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." The song was so serious, but for performances, he livened it up. I'd also consider shortening the song 30 seconds or so. Album cuts can last that long but for performances, it might be better to compact things a little...or keep it the way it is and have the crowd rap the closing chorus with you.

You got a great song on your hands...something to be really proud of. I'm hyped to see what you do with it. :clap:

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AJ That is exactly how I like to be critiqued, thank you. I'm going to record it this sunday, and you are definatly right about the passion. That was the first time I ever performed it. I'm part of a local circus called Cirque De La Soul inwhich I perform magic, we did a tribute to hip hop icons and they wanted me to rap. I'm excited to record this, and anyone who wants a copy may have one.

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