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THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND


fabman

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Hi,

I wrote this song "Then There Was Her Best Friend". And the story happened to me really. Say what do U think (how many points would u give the lyrics. Example: ? / 5 points). AND could you help me for the grammar?

THX... now comes...

“THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND”

Written by F. Froio

I’m tellin’ u a story you’ll never forget,

About girls and somethin’ like dis – U know!

So if you ready I’ll begin with the story

THAT’S THE BEGINNING

There was this hot girl, Sarah,

I wanted to go with

And I used my charm to get what I want

I’ve said somethin’ like

“Do you wanna go with me girl?”

She laughed, looked at me

And then she said YES

So I thought great,

Let’s have a date today

She said, I’ll send u a msg...

But – wait – that’s only the beginnig

Now comes the bad...

‘CAUSE THEN THERE WILL BE HER BEST FRIEND

I was eating when a msg arrived on my cellphone

It was her, she wrote

Something like: “let’s meet on 7 pm

Come to my friend Annette”

I thought wait, what? Annette? Who? DAMN!

I called her immediatly

“Why do I have to come to Annette?

Who is Annette? Where does she live?”

She said... I have to relax

We only have to bring her to bring her to her boyfriend.

And then she gave me the adress.

I went to Annette, said Hi, let’s go

Then we three went to Annette’s boyfriend

But he wasn’t at home

She sent him a msg and he didn’t answer

Damn, what the hell?

Then my girl said to me

“Come on, I’m her best friend. We can’t leave her alone.

She’ll come with us”

I said: “Wait, what? Why?

I’ve wanted to go out only with you.”

Then she looked at me with her sweet eyes

And I said “OK, OK, but I do this only for you, babe”

So we went to the cinema

But not with the intention to watch the movie

In the theater I wanted to use the famous love arm

BUT THEN THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND

Shoutin’ hey come here

I wanted to kiss her, when Sarah said wait.

She sat to her Annette and left me alone

I had to watch the movie a stupid love story

So with the time got mad and I shouted out loud

I wanna go wit’ U but only without her

So choose Annette or me

Then this big guy said: SHUT UP, MAN!

THIS IS A THEATER I WANNA SEE THE MOVIE

Then he hit me! I kicked him...

So in this theater there was a big brawl

The police came, we were all bleedin’

I’ve said to Sarah: “Goodbye, never wanna see U again”

She said “Why?”

Because of your best friend,

Because of her I didn’t kiss you

Because of her we couldn’t grab --- all over you!

Because of your damn friend, my nose is bleeding.

BECAUSE THERE WAS HER BEST FRIEND

Then I saw this hot chick,

Shakin’ with ass, DAMN I’ll go to her

I said hi, my name Fab,

What’s ya name, girl

Her name was Tina

I asked if she wanted to go out with me

She said “Yeah, why not, you’re cute”

See you tommorrow?

WAIT! Tina... Only one question!

Do you have a best friend you wanna go out tommorrow with?

No... Perfect, see then Tina...

And this was my lil’ story, man!

so don’t forget to ask if a best friend comes...

2005 - The Fab Man

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its alright, the grammer could be improved but u have already stated that, sometimes if u want to be a story teller, be good in the language u choose, maybe havin a few rhymes, keep the readers attention is the best advice i can give to u

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What's up, I'd rate your song 2.75/5, there's room for improvement in your rhyme scheme, keep practicing and you'll get better.

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well i found the story pretty funny maybe you should try rhyming in your native tongue :thumb:

If English isn't your first language, why would u attempt to rap in it? It's actually not bad, but I'd imagine if you tried to write it w/ the vocab and speech u were most familiar with, it would be far easier to write more complex rhymes & whatnot.

I mostly say this because when I read Hero's comments, it made me think if I could ever write a rhyme in, say, Spanish. The answer is, unequivocally, no.

In any case, off the topic, props for being bilingual. I'm definately jealous.

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