JumpinJack AJ Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Hey Y'all, I owe u an explanation. I want 2 try and keep things kinda vague as there are some really personal and really WRONG things that have been done around me and 2 me. Obviously, for me 2 not be around the board and 2 post some of the things i've put in the Prayer + Support Circle post, some stuff is up. Here's my story (a very short and vague version)... In December, i was prepping for 2009 2 be my best year ever. Not in an over the top kinda way. I was just sick of some of the stagnate lifestyle and procrastination that having a full time job and some setbacks in life had me living. I desided that even tho' i'm in decent shape and eat pretty good, it was time 2 take those areas 2 the next level (working out more often and eating even better). I desided that i would not let my fulltime job and exhaustion keep me from hardly making it 2 church. My money has been right for awhile and the timing was finally right 2 get my own house. I also wanted 2 get things either under control at work or change jobs. Lastly, after a bumpy but good relationship with a certain girl for 3 years, i wanted 2 finally make things official with her. I reached an incredible level of forgiveness and fell totally in love with her 2 the point that i didn't want 2 lose her...i want 2 marry her. I was on cloud 9. Y'all have no idea. Life was set. This was the year. It literally fell apart New Year's Evening. My top priority this year was the girl in my life. Afterall, i just said i wanted 2 marry her. She didn't get my text about New Year's Eve and made plan 2 hang out with other people. She did come 2 the party i was at for a lil' bit but it ended up with us fighting becuz she wouldn't spend the rest of the night with me. From there it all went downhill. I found out she was talking 2 a certain person from her past who used 2 be one of my best friends who she had no right talking 2...and shouldnt' have even wanted 2 talk 2. She started ignoring her health condition and started staying out late and started drinking often. She started surrounding herself with new and old people that for the most part shouldn't be in her life. She went back 2 having anger and attitude issues, started cussing up a storm and openly saying how she is totally okay with how selfish she is. She's lied 2 be about a few things and has totally seperated herself from me. She's verbally gone off on me on the phone for no reason for HOURS as i just sit there and take it. She's made zero time for me. We don't talk at all. On top of that, things have been rough at work. My job has been on the line due 2 some lackluster numbers and certain projects i've struggled 2 get behind. The shock of the issue with this girl has kept me VERY unmotivated at work. I was so upset for awhile that i couldn't eat, sleep, or keep myself composed. That destoryed eating better and working out. I have managed 2 get in2 church every weekend which is awesome but looking for a house hasn't really happened due 2 work at lack of motivation. 2 months later...here i am. My days are filled with me waking up very early all the time. I usually watch about 2 hours worth of spiritual stuff and pastors on TV each day. 80% of the music i listen 2 is Gospel and Christian. I read alot of stuff. I spend nearly all of my day in a continuous prayer. Sometimes i need 2 take a Tylonol PM just so i can sleep better at night. I usually fall asleep on the sofa downstairs watching TV so my mind isn't on stuff. But from there, when i wake up 2 sleep in my bed, it's 50/50. Sometimes i go 2 sleep, sometimes i don't. When i do wake up, usually the pain of reality hits me so hard that unless i'm exhausted, i can't sleep. I have been working out which feels good and shows. I've been eating better but not healthier than what i already eat. I've lost so much weight that i'm at 135...but now it feels good and looks right. A few week ago i looked like i waz gonna die. I have made some headway at work. My job seems more secure tho' i still have a ways 2 go and i have 2 figure out if it's the place that i should be or if i need 2 look at other things. I'm gonna start house shopping soon. I don't really have any idea of what i'm doing but i'll be okay. The thing that sucks that i planned on having this girl in my life and wanted her help and 2 get her opinion on the place since she could be living there one day. I do have faith that she will come around, even tho' things look hopeless in the natual. I just hope that she doesn't make any big mistakes or extreem decisions in the meantime. She's not ready for a relationship but she's been hanging out with some guy who doesn't impress me much at all. Her behavior disgusts me. As long as i feel it in my heart 2 hold on, i will. If i feel i need 2 let go, i will. I know that God puts promises in our hearts for a reason and that He says He will bring us our heart's desire. I know that he's a God of suddenlies who can turn situations around in the blink of an eye. I know that nothing is 2 hard for him and that when there seems 2 be no way, He can make a way. All things are possible in Christ. I know He can change us and change our hearts, allow or even provide circumstances 2 change us. Miracles are possible. I appriciate everyones' prayer. The truth is, as a man, i feel better, stronger, and cleaner than EVER. It's just that the pain and uncertainty have gripped my life 2 an all time low. I will be back y'all. It's just that right now with the way life is, my priorities are shifted. I miss being here. I miss alot of things. Better dayz are on the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Hero1 Posted March 6, 2009 Admin Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 AJ thats very sad to hear. I truly hope things turn around for you. Stay Strong. I was listening to an ahmad song today and he says "defeat is a mind state I don't choose to be in it" so don't go into that space and I have no doubt you will move in whatever direction needs to be Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Tiger Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 (edited) I'm not gonna give you a lot of advice. I'm just gonna say that you should keep yourself motivated and don't wait for things to happen. You'll be a happier person. Sorry about the troubles though, AJ. Here's what I like to remember when I'm feeling sad.. Edited March 6, 2009 by Silver Tiger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzy Julie Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Im sorry you've been going thru such a hard time. Maybe try and focus on the house hunting, keep your mind busy and have something to look forward too. and silvertiger i thought u were actually gonna post something serious for a minute there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigted Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Hey AJ I feel for you man, I'm hoping the best will come your way, remember whatever don't kill you makes you stronger, just take life one day at a time as it comes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Brakes Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 What Ted said! Stay strong man! You got your online fam here if you need any support or encouragement! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Tiger Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Im sorry you've been going thru such a hard time. Maybe try and focus on the house hunting, keep your mind busy and have something to look forward too. and silvertiger i thought u were actually gonna post something serious for a minute there. I was serious (well, I don't really think about that song). I don't see why I can't bring something lighthearted to the table though. I've learned that negativity breeds fast. A positive message is needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfuqua23 Posted March 6, 2009 Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 AJ, I truly know how you feel when you look over your life and feel right, but want to do better. There's just so much going on with everybody. AJ, you're DA MAN. Wherever you go. On this forum or in the real world. Whoever you're around. I don't know the best way to tell you you're a strong individual and great person other than to say it. I just hope you keep giving your best efforts living thru each day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VIsqo Posted March 7, 2009 Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Homie weve got ur back! dont worry, everything is going to be alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzy Julie Posted March 7, 2009 Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Im sorry you've been going thru such a hard time. Maybe try and focus on the house hunting, keep your mind busy and have something to look forward too. and silvertiger i thought u were actually gonna post something serious for a minute there. I was serious (well, I don't really think about that song). I don't see why I can't bring something lighthearted to the table though. I've learned that negativity breeds fast. A positive message is needed. No i know what u said was meant as serious, i was just talking about the link. i wasnt disagreeing with your post at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaxFly Posted March 7, 2009 Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Stay strong AJ. I trust the best is on the way. Just have faith and continue to pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 I wish you nothing but the best Aj. I'm sure u'll be ok soon. U know we'll always be here ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bart5 Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Word, everything will work out for the best...good luck though with everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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