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Friend or Foe?

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A couple of things happened recently that made me want to post this topic, for food for thought. We all have people in our corner who we may consider friends, but are they really ur friend? What is the definition of a friend? what are the actions of a true friend? I would like to see what some of u guys have to say about friends and friendships, and how we should go about sutiations when we disagree, u feel 'violated'.. do u let it go? or do u step up like a REAL friend, and correct them?

so what if they get pissed? do u care, if ur speaking from ur heart? something that may correct their wrong behaviour in the wrong tyming?

A good friend of myne told me this morning that his buddy was in Hollywood or N. Hollywood over this past weekend and got shot down DEAD. Shot in the face by some stranger for no apparent reason. This is a very real reason to understand why its important to show genuine value we place on our friendhships. Hypothetically... imagine if that person was YOUR friend who got shot and killed. What was the last impression that you left in his or her mind if you gave them your word on something, and you failed to follow through because of your very own lack of consideration? and the next thing that you discover, is that person was killed...

How would you feel? honestly? Your deepest sympathy could not even penetrate into their soul, but you left them with the last memory of broken promises...

All I'm saying is. friendships are honorable. to be cherished, and treated with respect ... all else does not go unnoticed... it just builds against your very own conscious, if something tragic would to ever happen... Be a true friend if claim to be someone's friend. Don't front, or pull out the friendship card for ur own convenience... I lost a friend in Germany to suicide, and I can never forgive myself for getting angry because he was burning himself with a cigarette, and asking me to sing a song for him just one tyme... he committed suicide that night. .and i was not there for him...

real friends are hard to come by...but in tyme, we come to realize who truly gets that honor of being called our friend. thats real.

xo,

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I've got some good friends. They'll call you out, but it's usually for the joke. Closest friend I have is my girl. She's the only one that probably fits your descriptions. I call people out all the time, but I'm usually not as close to them.

You know what? NO. When I think about it, I call out everyone. Take one of my roommates for example, whipped by his girl. :whip3: :whip3: :whip3: CRACK! He needs to be called out because that starts to interfere with my life.

I feel a little dizzy.

Also, sorry about your friend's friend, cookies.

God Blessa!

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thx 4 that. now that dude needed to be called out... Its when we remain 'silent' is when we do 'disservice' to our friends, because some walk for so long in their own blinding lights, they don't recognize their faults as being 'wrong' until they're are properly put in check. as u did with ur friend is a good example of one of many examples..

How did that interfere with ur life tho? thats what I dont understand..

xo,

cookie

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Take today for example. The worst of all offenses. He comes in my room and hands me his phone to talk to his girl. She asks me if I'll take him to the grocery store (for a stupid reason, btw). She said he didn't ask because he knew I wouldn't take him. I gave him the phone back and she told him what I told her on the phone, that he should ask me himself. The whole situation just reeked wick-wack-bullll.... He asked if I'd take him and I loudly said "YES."

I didn't take him.

God Blessa!

Edited by Silver Tiger

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True friends are truly valuable.. sometimes you gotta realise someone really isn't a friend, and other times you gotta wake up to the fact of how valuable a friend can be.. like Will said in potnas..through the good and the bad..thats a real friend..

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I have many many good friends, 3 being of best friend standard. I am very luck in that sense. We would do antyhing to see each other happy.

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thru the good and the bad. i agree Tim, and I dont think Will could have said it any better than he did in Potnas...

consider urself very fortunate Kev. Everyone isnt as lucky as u are to have those type of friends in their corners.

The most important aspect of friends and like Tim said in realizing how valuable we are to one another, is through ACTIONS. Our behaviour in their presence or key communication with ideas, problems or just keeping each other lifted up in life period. Its not a forced thing or you feeling as if you are constantly inconveniencing someone with offering ur friendship. If their schedule is truly that buzy, to make proper time, what does this tell u on the value they place on YOU as a friend? Is that a happy or painful thought? Actions speak a volume in altitude over simple words or promises we verbalize,... The intention may be there, tho If they tell u they will do something and don't acknowledge you as SOMEBODY when they cant, no phone call, what does that tell you about the true person? Some behaviours are inexcusable when it comes to respect, rudeness or common courtesy that we often overlook, but it should rather be addressed if the friendship is to sustain intolerable behaviours. or say funk it. To determine who value YOU as their true friend... just look for signs of INTEGRITY. If they show u none ,... what are they telling u in essence? People talk the talk, but do they walk the walk? Think about it now. We often judge a book by its cover, but whats really up is whats on the INSIDE of that cover. Their heart. Their intentions. Their word is their bond.. or not that is the question...

We do have select friends that have strong holds on their words being their 'bond' ... and for others,. You must determine carefully, if they fit into that special category in your heart that you cherish as a true friend. Its deep. Everybody, regardless of how much high regard u place on them as a person... have 2 be properly 'studied' before you give them a piece of ur heart as a friend... My friends gets my heart and support. I cant give that up to just anyone...

just some thoughts.. sorry if i repeated anything. .

xo,

cookie

Edited by 3cookies

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I usually have two kinds of friends.. My Boys and the girls. My boys are always there to talk about sports, money, medicine, girls, music, and all that. Then there are the girls with whom I talk about more serious matters like relationships, things of the heart and the mind... My best friend is a girl. We share everything that happens to us. We share all of our secrets and fears. Everything... My other best friend is a Boy. He and I talk about everything else, we go out have fun, joke around a lot, diss on each other and have a good time every time..

In these particularly difficult times for me, my friend Rossy, she has been there for me emotionally and my friend Sadiasept have been there for me to cheer me up and not letting me go down.. Thats why you always need all kinds of friends..

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Man, this is a topic that has weighed on my mind all year. I have 2 people that were supposed 2 be my bestfriends and 2gether, they did some really foul stuff involving me. Just really awful stuff. It's been months and everytime my mind really focuses on it, i get furious. Anger isn't naturally a part of me and i work crazy hard 2 not think about what has happened...which is probably why the situation still has such and impact whenever it crosses my mind. I'm a very forgiving person who gives out 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc chances. I think that's they way we are supposed 2 be as humans, but at the same time, there is a time and place where we may have 2 walk away from a situation. I wreck my mind trying 2 think how they could do the things they've done and still honestly be my friends. I don't know.

When it comes 2 telling someone who it is, i think that's fine as long as u do it respectfully. U can't talk 2 someone u call a friend like they are stupid just becuz they aren't seeing life clearly. Becuz they are your friends, u need 2 share what u think if it would benifit them. At the same time, we need 2 listen when they do the same for us.

The way my life has been has really taken me away from the many things that are important 2 me. I really need 2 get things under control at work so i can really live again. I keep in moderate touch with lots of my friends and i need 2 water those relationships before they dry out.

I don't really wanna go on with this at the moment...just a touchy topic for me at the moment.

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Me and my best friend have known each other for nearly 18 years, the great thing about that is we can always say do u remmember when we did this. We've been thru life together, first kisses(not with each other :P), boyfriends, jobs etc, and we discussed it all lol.

Whenever something bad happens the first thing i wanna do is tell her about it. Im lucky coz i know i can trust her, we never really have big fights, just little petty ones which we forget about the next day.

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I'm a pretty big softie even though I try to not let it show. I've been blessed as a child, I had the best friendships.

but I've also been cursed in a way. Imagine being with a girl for over 15 years, than their parents decide to leave, move away, far far away. I had great friends, really great friends. Not many, a couple like 2 TRUE friends, not fake friends. Friends that are like your sis/brother. My closest friend whom I regarded as a big brother moved away cause of marriage. I'm apart from my family and I don't get to see them often, when I do it's pretty emotional...but as always eventually there's the ''goodbye''. I hate that ''goodbye'', I wish I was cold enough to not care about it, unfortunately deep down inside it's causing a hurricane. Love is great, but once you taste it, get used to it...and it ends....it's pretty tough. Frankly I hate work, that's all I do. I barely have time for myself, I feel tired. I don't have the energy to go and look for new friends, I don't even believe it'll be that easy, to find the right friend. I had the right friend, girl, family. But we got separated. I'm getting older and I'm feeling a bit more depressed, I look at my age and I think a couple more years before 30 and it freaks me out. I have so much I want to do, because of work I feel like I can't even do all of that. I remember growing up as a kid listening to girls ain't nothing but trouble and parents just don't understand, smiling, enjoying life. Being so positive and full of energy. That innocent feel that kids have, to look at life like you think it's heaven. Then 20 years later, you realise life sucks. It's like Santa, at first it's cute and nice...but then comes the truth and the truth is pretty ugly lol. To compensate that loss of energy, I try to spend time with kids on Sundays, buy them candy, toys. When you're down and tired, kids really light up your heart. I try to donate too, those kids don't have parents so I try to help out, you give but you also get back joy and hope. I really need to come up with a new plan to re-locate that happyness, friendship.

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If a friend goes down a slippery slope of self-destructiveness disregarding all advice and common sense - well there aren't there times where cutting them out would be the best for them as well as yourself? Is there a time set aside just for the case of righting a friend going down the wrong path? Forever is a long time, especially when the dynamic of the friendship changes from going through good times and bad to being their life coach.

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@Fresh Prince Charming... you are 100% right. When they dont show any hope, or interest in helping themselves from a self destructing 'decline' in life, all it will do is drain your energy and we just cant help everyone, who don't show appreciation for what ur trying to do. Letting go can be so hard, but until they are ready to stand up on their own and take initiative in bettering themselves, theres nothing you can do. Saddest thing there, is letting them go...

@Typhoon... im a softie too. Specially with my friends. Don't ever stop caring, thats what draws ppl to wonderful friend like yourself. Goodbyes are the worse when its untimely, or unexpected as it always seems. Life is a cycle that sometimes seem faster than others, but tho friends always come and go, and we have to work to suffice and met our financial obligations, you must make sure to add that balance or you will suffer from depression and it will only hang a cloud over the most beautiful days ahead in ur life. You are a gem. Dedicating and volunteering time to those children like that, is actually a very unique and attractiveness that the right woman will take notice of. You are adding 'balance' without even knowing, by putting your energy in the right place for a lonely heart as urself. To add even more balance, you already have mentioned coming up with a new plan to relocate that happiness, and attract those meaningful friendships, so the thought is the beginning of your new "start" Don't be too hard on urself, but even if you have to look into a job that is less strenuous on ur time, it will free up more time so that you can get out more and enjoy connecting with new friends. Be urself, smile and strike up conversations. You never know where that one conversation could lead to a lifetime friendship, or maybe even a long term relationship. Take a bold step, be in charge and do whatever you must in making sure you dont allow the next 20 years come and go, and depression, working all the tyme, and lonliness are ur best companions.

I know em all too well...

xo,

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