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Will Smith Killed 2PAC

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I happen to be looking for a Will Smith singles on vinyl. In my search it brought up everything with Will Smith in it. This happen to be in it. I read it and thought this is too funny. Please note this is a joke


Tupac Shakur, born in New York City in 1971, grew up to be widely noted as the greatest rapper in the history of the game. His death came prematurely, at the age of 25, in a very violent fashion. Speculation continues about the identity of the true killer, but recently leaked government papers suggest that there is little doubt as to who had the killing carried out.

Tupac spent his adolescent years in various locales, from New York, to Oakland, to Marin City, to Baltimore. Though he lived with his single mother in abject poverty, his mother scraped and saved enough money for her son to attend a relatively upper-crust arts school in Baltimore. It was there that Tupac met a woman with whom he developed an extraordinarily strong kinship. In various interviews and documentaries, Tupac remarks repeatedly and enthusiastically on their powerful and transcendental relationship. This woman was Jada Pinkett, the woman who would go on to be the wife of celebrity wannabe Will Smith.

In the early 90s, Will Smith was in the midst of a career that seemed destined to rank among the s******** in the industry. He had started off by referring to himself with the rather undeservedly regal title 'the Fresh Prince.' An obnoxious smartass rapper, Will Smith's juvenile anthems against authoritarianism went on to be rallying cries for 12 year old white suburbanites across the country, and indeed across the world. In fact, his song "Parents Just Don't Understand" was being pumped from the intercom during the grisly assassination of Weird Al Yankovic at a Houston night club in 1993. Accordingly, it didn't take long for the FBI to open what would eventually become a rather large file on Mr. Smith. His dossier, which is now reported to be over 3,500 pages in length, contains plenty of revealing and sensitive information about Smith, and is said to include photographs of his atrophied genitalia.

By the mid-1990s, Will Smith's career was beginning to falter. His subpar rapping style was dismissed by fans and critics alike, and nobody wanted to hear his self-congratulatory remarks anymore. Will Smith, it seemed, was an ugly, egotistical, washed-up has-been. And while Smith was only a "prince," Tupac, was being hailed as rap's new king. Tupac's sales figures were huge, and he was loved by audiences, critics, and the mass media. He seemed unstoppable. But then, in September 1996, Tupac was gunned down in Las Vegas after leaving a sold-out Mike Tyson boxing match that culminated in the circumcision of a man in the front row by Tyson after the match.

Immediately after Tupac's death, rumors began to circulate about who was responsible for the killing. While most fingers were pointed at Biggie Smalls' crew at Bad Boy Records, and at Death Row head honcho Suge Knight, hardly anyone even considered the idea that it was a deed ordered by the jealous and power-hungry Will Smith. Smith, it turns out, was seeking the affections of Ms. Jada Pinkett, Tupac's best friend from Baltimore.

Jada Pinkett was everything a man like Will Smith could ask for; she was smart, talented, beautiful, and full of integrity-- everything Will Smith wasn't.

Will was a talentless, self-absorbed slob with an embarrassing teeny-bopper rap career shadowing him, while Tupac was a rich, charismatic rapper with genuine talent, an affable personality, and down-to-earth grace and charm. As long as this was what he had to contend with, Will Smith knew he had no chance with Jada. Jada and Tupac's relationship went too far; it was too deep, there was too much shared experience, and too much mutual respect and affection.

It was in the summer of 1996 when Will Smith began speaking with a man FBI files only refer to as Shock-Z to plot and plan the assassination of Tupac Shakur. It is generally acknowledged that Shock-Z was in reality Walter Henderson, a Las Vegas drug dealer with a 12 page rap sheet and gunshot scars to match. In his meetings with Shock-Z at various seedy restaurants, strip clubs, and award presentations, Will Smith began to carve out a plan to make sure that his archenemy Tupac would never get in the way of him edging his way into the life of Jada Pinkett.

Knowing that Tupac was a good friend of Mike Tyson, and knowing that the Tyson match was a highly-anticipated and highly-hyped event, he knew that Tupac would be in Las Vegas on the night of September 7, 1996. Away from his usual entourage and familiar settings, Tupac would have no escape from a cold-blooded assassin.

But more than for any other reason, Smith chose the Tyson fight due to his ongoing feud with the celebrity rapist. It began innocently enough, on Will Smith's album And in This Corner, which featured a single entitled "I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson." The song's egotistical bent was nothing unusual in Smith's catalog, and he rather pathetically rapped about how he could "whoop" Tyson. Unfortunately for him, Mike Tyson wasn't behind bars yet, and was instead sitting at home in his opulent $6.5 million mansion in Catskills, NY, watching MTV and lifting 400lb barbells when the video for the song aired. Tyson, seeing Smith's call to arms, decided that he would show Will Smith a little piece of 'Kid Dynamite.' When Smith was filming the video for the song "Too Damn Hype," Tyson lept out from a studio trailer and beat the living **** out of Smith, breaking his jaw in two places, and permanently damaging one eye. One stagehand remarked at the time that the altercation reminded him of "that one scene in the Temple of Doom." Although all charges were eventually dropped against Tyson, Smith held a grudge; one that he wouldn't have the guts to take out on Tyson, but would rather circuitously take out on his good friend Tupac Shakur.

According to top-secret FBI files on Will Smith that were leaked, Shock-Z handed the job of carrying out the killing to a man named Wallace West. West was already wanted by the Nevada State Highway Patrol for having a broken rear left blinker, and was under investigation by the Nevada DMV for failure to register his car.

Two weeks before the Tyson fight, West walked into Walker's Gun Shop, a firearms store in Victorville, CA and purchased a .40 caliber Glock pistol and 600 rounds of ammunition. A dated receipt from the shop shows that West spent $392.94, nearly a $50 discount from the manufacturer's suggested retail price. Marginalia on the receipt indicates that a discount coupon from LA Weekly offering 10% off was used.

After leaving the gun shop, West drove to Las Vegas, where he holed up in the Las Vegas Luxor for the next 12 days, reportedly subjecting himself to copious amounts of crystal meth. Hotel employees later said that he spent 11 straight days in the casino, a feat not uncommon in the gambling mecca. On the night of the shooting, West emerged from the hotel and got in a black 1992 Chevy Cavalier, parked 10 minutes away from the Las Vegas strip. Will Smith's connection, Shock-Z, was in the driver's seat.

After the fight, West (the shooter) and Shock-Z (the driver) carefully shadowed Tupac and Suge Knight, who were leaving the venue together. At an opportune moment at a stoplight, when Tupac was talking to two unidentified women, he opened fire, laying 13 rounds into the car. Shock-Z hit a right turn and sped off into the Las Vegas night.

Also in Las Vegas that night was a certain Will Smith. Smith told the Las Vegas Police Department that he was staking out some rental properties on the east side of town, in the hopes that he would be able to lease them out, but the Las Vegas Police Department has released information suggesting that Will Smith hardly had enough money in his bank account to even buy a vibrating armchair from the Sharper Image catalog, much less apartment complexes in a thriving metropolis.

Furthermore, it was discovered that Will Smith had transferred over $600,000 in unsold He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper CDs to a Swiss record store, who then transferred the smuggled goods to stores in Indonesia and Saudi Arabia. The assets were frozen by Indonesian authorities pending an investigation of possible illegal misconduct. Just about when the FBI was about to close in on Smith's laundering scheme, the political thriller Independence Day starring Will Smith hit theaters. Though legitimate movie critics correctly assessed that "ID4," as it was commonly known, was a piece of ****ing ****, the public loved it. Suddenly Will Smith was cock of the walk, though most people who knew him acknowledged that he was just a cock.

Facing public outcry from Smith's new audience, the LVPD, in conjunction with the FBI, ceased the investigation of the Tupac assassination and did not even file charges against Will Smith, who they had plenty of evidence planned the killing. In an affadavit signed January 10, 1996, LVPD Commissioner Randall Stewart claimed that all paperwork involved in the Tupac case had been "misplaced" and the investigation had reached a dead end. Two days later, the LVPD headquarters received 5,000 free copies of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Summertime" CD single.

here's where i found it http://www.blackpitchpress.com/lostledgers...th_killed_Tupac

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